Prelude to a resignation

I miss Open Sky.  I miss the people, their energies and their kind, compassionate hearts.  I miss the mystique of being a transporter (ak/a/ Ferryman) and all the possibilities that might arise on any day and out of the blue.  I miss the two-person teamwork and I miss noting  with amazement all over again,  all the moving parts of Open Sky and what magic it is that keeps us all moving together as one whole team held by all?   I believe I saw it one night at Avatar point in Utah.  The night we took Cary into the desert to finish his detox from benzos and start his journey into himself.

It was Medic Dan, the magic man who took a shine to me and us to him.  I liked his painted nails and never had the moment to inquire of them and if the spirit moved, to come out as Intersex to him.  Medic Dan sitting with a guide and going over and over the exact details of the detox plan and doing it in such a way as to lay down conditions for the guide to be confident and trusted, for the student’s detox to be as smooth as possible, setting both up to succeed.   It was an instructive moment.  I regret not being able to say goodbye to Medic Dan when every time out I’d wonder if I’d ever see him again.  That’s one of the lessons of Open Sky.  People come and go.  Connections are made and perhaps relationships are formed.  Some formed will fade and others will grow in hidden ways.

I miss simply being out in the middle of the world, sitting on top of flat mesa tops beneath star loom skies breathing cold clean high desert air shivering under the bone chilling winds and the delightful prospect of a 3 hr drive home with my partner for the day and a deepening whether we spoke along the way or not.

I miss the renewal of faith in humanity at the end of every shift.   Working in close with strong emotional energies, going through stages of disclosure and revelations that may then or later arise, as we guided the student through the gates all must go through to enter the wilderness hopefully leaving them with a sense of being in caring and skilled hands, and that they can expect this to continue thru all the staff and beyond….Yeah I miss the camaraderie and bonding the people working Transports formed.  It reminded me of being in a band and driving about always managing to get where we were going and safely back again and able to meet whatever challenges might come up in between. With Open Sky the music for me, has an ancient, archetypal energetic pull.

I miss being part of a team and of a greater whole.  Holding professionalism and pride in being a valued member of an esteemed company doing honorable and holy work.  We all recognized  the tremendous responsibility placed in our hands every time we took the wheel of an Open Sky car and every time each of us living up to that standard and raising the bar of it as we learned and grew more proficient in our jobs began to have enough rides under our belts to be challenged, triggered and or pushed into beginner’s mind.  I grew more confident in my abilities and more trusting in the abilities and good hearts of my partners, and we came to grow and to undertake challenges and show courage and willingness to open our hearts and reveal our souls.

In ways that count,  I am drawn to the kinds of folk that Open Sky draws to it and I feel I know and trust folks from Open Sky to accept me – all of me – than I trust other groups of folk whom I’ve worked with for a long time.  Funny that is.

I will miss the high, high, intensity of a wellness weekend, of listening to the pain and deep, deep suffering of all the mom’s and dad’s  whose lives have flown off the tracks by their children…..

……and I don’t believe or want to believe just yet that my rides with Open Sky are over.   That I can get back to transporting and being once more, a part of this wonderful community of people working together to make real differences possible in real people’s lives, including our own, at a core level, day in and day out.  Yeah,  I can’t keep missing out on that.

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